1.  Take a Breath. A starting point in being more mindful is connecting with your breath.  Even as you are reading this article you can check-in with your breathing.  Are you breathing from your nose or your mouth?  What is the quality of your breath? This simple inquiry activates your parasympathetic nervous system which calms the body.  By tuning into your breath you have the ability to lower your heart-rate and bring more oxygen to your muscles.  This can be a handy trick when your partner is not driving to your designated standards.  Instead of lashing out see if you can take a few deep breaths.  Check-in with your body and feel what sensations come up.  The results might surprise you.

2.  Be Present. Oftentimes disagreements in a relationship triggers an unresolved childhood wound.  Unconsciously, your partner becomes your mother or father.  This is why clashes with your intimate partner can seem so painful because the discord often cuts deeper than what is occurring on the surface.  Again, accessing your breath can be a rescue rope in such situations because acknowledging your breath brings your mind into the present moment…By being in the present moment you are less susceptible to getting lost in thoughts and emotions from the past that may cloud a current conflict.  Bringing your attention to your breath doesn’t mean you checkout from what is occurring between you and your partner but rather the breath enables you to keep a connection with yourself.  The breath is a way to more accurately monitor what you are experiencing in the moment while engaging with your partner.  Again, it is best to try these techniques for yourself and discover what you experience.

3.  Awareness of Your State of Being. All too often, quarrels between partners occur when they have been drinking.  This does not mean that drinking is bad necessarily but it can be very helpful to know that drinking may affect the dynamics of a relationship.  In my office, many couples recall fights they had after a party or dinner.  I’ll ask them if they had been drinking earlier and usually they were.  Drinking often causes distorted thinking, acute sensitivity or belligerent behavior.  Think back to the most recent quarrels with your partner.  Was there drinking involved?  It is good to be aware of what circumstances may have contributed to your argument to see if they might be avoided in the future.  For instance, waiting to discuss important topics when both partners are sober and can better process the information.  Aside from being aware of our physical state it is also useful to be aware of our emotional state.  Knowing how we are feeling at any given moment is extremely valuable.  For example, if you had a bad day at the office and are angry and are able to identify how you are feeling and why you are less apt to unconsciously take out your anger on your partner.  We get better and better at recognizing how we are feeling by investigating the sensations in our body.  Your body will let you know.

4. Listen. Another common reason couples don’t get along is because of miscommunication.  With so much going on in our busy lives it is easy to see how this can happen.  Sometimes, giving our full attention to our partner seems the exception rather than the rule.  Really listening to your partner is a precious gift.  Even 10 minutes of really being present with your loved one can improve your relationship.  Making the most of those 10 minutes could mean making eye contact or touching one another.  Or listening and not letting the mind wonder while the other person is talking is priceless.  It can be challenging to completely listen to your mate.  Usually, thoughts and preoccupations clutter the mind.  As an experiment, try listening to your partner and at the same time connect with your breath.  This will actually make it possible to be more fully present with your partner in the moment.  When we connect with our breath we are connecting with our body.  Our bodies can’t be in the future or the past but only in the present moment.  When we are in “the now” a sense of well-being often occurs and this can be shared with your significant other.

5. Cultivate Loving Kindness. Many times couples feel like their partner is out to get them.  They will build cases why this is true.  “He ate my last piece of chocolate.  He doesn’t love me.  He is purposefully ruining my day.”  Usually, this is not the case.  The other partner does not want to psychologically harm their mate.  After all they are in a relationship with the person.  To circumvent this type of thinking it is beneficial to cultivate loving kindness to your partner.  Loving kindness is when you open your heart to another person and wish that person well.  Like nourishing an oak seedling this intention can germinate and grow.  It is a reminder that you care for your partner and your partner loves and cares about you.  This can be done by telling your partner you love them either orally or even by text message.  Or it can be done in a fun way like using the Think Love bracelets.  Your bracelets can be synchronized to vibrate at the same time during the day so you and your mate think of each other and love at the same time.  If this practice seems hokey or forced in the beginning that is okay keep doing it.  Just like an oak tree needs water, relationships need TLC to thrive.  Try it and see how your relationship flourishes.

A seated meditation practice is the foundation for all of the relationship techniques listed here.  Studies show that individuals that only meditate 5 minutes a day for a few months feel more at ease and less stressed.  If you meditate regularly it becomes easier to access your breath during altercations and romantic moments.  With practice such methods are woven into everyday life.  In our private practices, my husband and I introduce meditation but also other more in depth, specific, easy and effective tools to improve relationships.  Modern romantic love definitely has it’s obstacles but with insight these challenges can be overcome one breath at a time.  If you have any questions or want to share your mindfulness experiences please email me at harveythea@me.com

Further, Lilyan will talk with Dr. Kari about tips and ideas how to help your child with ADHD or Autism.

Click Here to Listen: holistic-treatment-for-special-needs-kids-edit

By RICK NAUERT PHD Senior News Editor

A new small study has discovered treating clinical depression  via the telephone is nearly as effective as face-to-face consultations. Brigham Young University scientists followed 30 people newly diagnosed with major depression.

Instead of eight scheduled visits to the clinic, the participants covered the same material during a series of phone calls with the therapist. Calls varied in length, ranging from 21 to 52 minutes. The patients did not receive antidepressant medication.At a six month followup, 42 percent of participants had recovered from depression. For comparison, similar therapy conducted in person has a 50 percent recovery rate.

“Offering a phone or webcam option for psychotherapy does appear warranted from an efficacy point of view,” said Diane Spangler, a BYU psychology professor and a coauthor on the study. “It’s more user-friendly – no commutes, more flexibility of place and time – and has no side effects.” Over-the-phone therapy may not be for everyone.

One-third of eligible participants declined the option for telephone consultations, preferring the psychotherapist’s couch to the one in their living room. But for those comfortable with phone calls, therapy could soon be cheaper, more convenient and minus awkward waiting rooms.

Though a sample of 30 people is not large, the BYU researchers cite a previous antidepressant drug trial that happened to include a telephone counseling component. In that trial, the added benefit from phone counseling matched the results attained by the new BYU study.

SUMMARY OF THE HELP SUMMIT conference in Los Angeles (Autism)

Causes of Autism [Amaral, Hertz-Picciotto, Sebat, Van de Water]
Conclusion of yearly scans with 215 families who have children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
- Trajectory of brain development is the most distinguished feature: Circumference in infancy is larger and there is more brain volume;
- Children with ASD have bigger frontal lobes;
- Corpus Callosum segmentation has not much difference, but the connections going from one part of frontal lobe to the other are abnormal (Callosal fibers projecting to lateral frontal regions are abnormal);
- With 7/8 years old children with ASD, the Amygdala has adult size (7.5% bilateral enlargement); If Amygdala does not work well then an individual can be either too worried/anxiety, or fearless; There is a reduced neuron number in the Amygdala; 18% increase of microglial cells;
- There is Neuro inflammation;
- Microglial activation and increased microglial density has been observed in the dorsolateral cortex (inflammatory process)
- Many individuals with ASD have no detectable alteration in brain morphology.

Sexuality and adolescents/adults [Gerhardt, Peter]
Summary:
- Less then 1 out of 3 schools provides sexual education.
- Many individuals with ASD do not know when & whom to ask questions.
- Many have low self-esteem and may do anything to be accepted by peers (going into juvenile system).
- Prevalence of sexual abuse: 30%-90% being victims.

Self-protection (American Academy of Pediatrics, 1996; Nehring, 2005; Roth & Morse, 199; Volkmar & Wiesner, 2004). Teach:
1. That refusing to be touched is a right;
2. That secrets about being touches are not ok;
3. Self-protection skills;
4. Who can or cannot touch the individual and where on his/her body;
5. How and when to say ‘No’;
6. How to ask for assistance;
7. How to recall remote events and convey where an individual touched him/her.

The next step was, besides doing all the formal administrative stuff for the DBA and other obligations, to build my practice. ‘Doing the networking thing’, spreading the word, creating brochures and business cards, do free lectures etc. Making it happen.

Wow, making it happen sounds so easy, but was that really the case? It took so much more then just the above.
I took and takes various ingredients such as, using a daily positive mantra, for example: “What a wonderful day is it today. I will breath in and out, and fill my head with positive thoughts”. And another ingredient is, making sure that the mantra stays within arms reach during your day. Every time a challenge will face you, you will grab that mantra of the table and put it in your mouth and swallow it. Making sure you digest it. Over and over. The mind is conditioned to go into wires of negative thoughts, but by training your mind the other way, you can simply condition it the other way around.
Then, besides taking care of the basic needs such as a full night sleep (7-9 hours), healthy foods (whole, organic food,, caffeine, (refined) sugars), alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, water and physical exercise (and or yoga).
Also, use a schedule for all the action steps that need to be taken.
Which brings me to the next step: ACTION! Making it happen by taking action. Scheduling the network events, creating your website, brochures and business cards, scheduling network visits to preschools, churches, hospitals, doctors offices, stores, coffee houses etc., whatever is relevant to your niche. And follow up with your steps.

And then, go back to the first step, the mantra. Because all the hard work you do, may not pay off right away. Negative and self-defeating thoughts may enter your mind, and you may become discouraged. So, in order to make it happen, make sure that you drink that lovely cocktail of pure love, positive thoughts, encouragement and all that, as many times as you need to. And ignore the other ones, they are just words. Pay attention to the tension in your body, do abdominal breathing, and you will see that your body will slowly feel more relaxed. Another technique is, to focus on the part in your body that does not feel tense and that feels solid. Slowly, you will notice that the tension will leave your body, and it becomes easier to let go of the negative thoughts and to welcome the positive, encouraging thoughts.
These type of exercises can be done more easily with the help of a life coach or counselor/therapist.

What else is needed to make it happen? Feel it! is it your passion you are working on ? Feel the joy, feel the excitement when you are talking about your business, when you are getting a new client, when you start your day. Passion is everything.

Lastly, embrace the process. Making it happen is a theme in Los Angeles, and all over the world. You start somewhere, and will try your best to reach your end goal. Only ‘time’ will know what the end result it, since you will see so many factors down the road that will influence your end product. It is a little bit of you, and a little bit of the universe and the process that will lead you to the end goal or product.

Mantra, Schedule, Action, Mantra, Feel it, Embrace it.

Well, where does that leave my own life coaching and family coaching practice Your Clear Path and my psychotherapist practice?

I am making it happen, when a a client leaves my practice feeling satisfied, happy, or happier, filled with new ideas of how to live life. My success is rated by simply providing clients a Clear Path through life coaching or family coaching and providing psychotherapy.
I used the above pointers, although I left the networking business a little bit premature. Why? I thought, let’s have the universe do it’s networking for me.
It already gave me so many good things..You see, you are reading this article. Thank you.

Fear, anxiety.  Feelings of worry, tension, hyper vigilance. All kinds of unpleasant feelings in your body that you don’t want to feel. Feelings that make your body feel bad, but also that trigger tons of non-productive thoughts in your mind. The thoughts trigger your feelings and emotions, and trigger actions. And actions, caused by emotions such as fear or anxiety, are not always the right actions.

Isn’t that amazing, how we human beings can anticipate on events that haven’t even happened yet? A nice dose of fear is needed, and was always needed. Look back at the time when human beings always had to hunt for survival. There were so many threats around the corner, not only for the brave man, but also for the women who were left behind and had to protect their children. They had to use their instinct, their intuition, and their common sense to identify danger in order to survive. And this instinct for danger obviously has not left our genes, however, we may not always use it functionally. Because an overdose of fear and anxiety is not functional and not needed. So, how can you filter the overdose of fear or anxiety that is in your system, and learn to benefit from the part that is functional and needed in your everyday life existence?

Welcome your body experience.

Breathe in, and breathe out. Become aware of your body, and how it feels when you are thinking about a low anxiety provoking event. Where in your body do you feel the tension? Do you feel your belly tensing up, or your chest becoming warm? Let’s examine that carefully. Once you are able to identify where you feel the anxiety or fear, let’s check in with your body where you do not feel any fear or tension. Where do you feel comfortable? Let’s go down towards your feet, and see where it feels ok. Then, while you  have the anxiety provoking event in your mind, let’s focus on the part of your body that feels ok.

And, remember to breathe in and breathe out. Next time when you notice that your body is becoming aroused, focus on the part that still feels ok. Remember, the more energy you put in something, the bigger it becomes. That is why it is important to focus on the part that feels good.

Do this over and over again. It is like fitness: You have to develop the muscle and practice and practice in order to remember it and be able to do it. Your mind has been conditioned otherwise, therefore, this takes practice. Another tool you can use is, shifting your attention to something else. Focus on different objects in the room and describe what you are seeing.

The last took I am going to share with you is, to just simply notice the anxiety provoking thoughts in your mind. Don’t find it, accept it, let it be there. Remember, the more energy you put in to something, the bigger it becomes. Therefore, don’t fight the anxiety. It’s there, it will leave your body again.

For example, you want to become a Master in your Work or you want to make sure you can run that Extra Mile. Then your thoughts come into play. They will tell you, ‘You cannot do that, ‘You are not good enough’ or ‘Something bad will happen’.

Often people listen to these thoughts, and doubt sets in. You may notice that your core energy will decrease.

With the help of a life coach, you can become more and more aware of these thoughts, and CHOOSE what to do with it. By becoming aware of these non-relevant thoughts, you can choose if you want them to affect you. You can choose to not pay attention to them and therefore not to put any energy in it. Because, the more energy you put into something, the bigger it becomes. I will get back to this later on in this article.

Another option is, to evaluate your thoughts: What in this thought is true, and what is not true. What proof do I have for this thought?

This way you can consciously choose if this thought will affect you or not.

When you evaluate your thoughts, you will notice how often these Gremlin thoughts will come up. There may be times they will come up more often then other times. Eating certain foods such as sugar, a lack of sleep, stress full situations, criticism by others etc. may increase these Gremlin thoughts. During those moments you may notice how difficult it can be to actually notice the thoughts, and to change your habitual response to it.

Every change in habits costs energy.

A life coach can motivate you to continue with this change and help you maintain. So this change within you leads to a new habit.

By becoming aware of these misleading, actual false beliefs, life can become easier. Anxiety, stress, worries and all kinds of negative life forces can decrease. Thoughts about your work, your life, self image, friends and other areas may become more real and positive.

The more you can focus on the positive, helping thoughts, the more your thoughts becomes positive. Look at it like this: you are thinking about the fact that you tripped when you left the house, and all of a sudden it happens again that day, and again. Or, you are thinking and talking about the fact that your relationship is not going well, and during that week you see conflicts increasing. Or, you think that your body looks out of shape, and you feel less and less good about your body. At the end of the day, your self esteem has significantly decreased.

It all sounds so logical: You are putting energy in a negative area so that is your major focus. The energy shifts. What happens if you do it the other way around? More positive outcomes. Also, your brain will remember more what you put most energy in, so if that was something positive, that is what the brain direct his focus to.

To end this article on a positive note and a positive motivating thought: Keep being conscious about self-defeating thoughts, because they are just there for homeostasis.

Do not hesitate to ask a life coach.

You can make a change.

How can you go back into your balanced state? The now?

Start off your day with a daily mantra, for example: ‘Today I want to be conscious of my breathing’ or ‘I want to accept’, or ‘I want to be in balance’. While you are repeating your mantra, you focus on your breathing. The breathing is heavy, in the belly, and your belly in when you breath in, and out when you breath out.

Whenever you are ready, you step out of the bed. When you step out, do it while you breath in. It would be great if you can follow up with a nice meditation or with some yoga excercises. If you are not, then keep this in mind for the rest of the day:

* Use a certain symbol (e.g. a ring, a mark on your hand etc.) to remind you to focus on your mantra that keeps you in balance

* Keep checking in with your body: your breathing, how your body feels, where you feel your feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety etc.. While you do this, continue to breath, don’t act on your emotions. Just sit, observe, accept

* Use your senses: Use your nose to smell, your ears to hear what sounds are around you (e.g. and what feels or does not feel good), your mouth to taste, your intuition to feel the energy around you, your hands to touch

* Grounding: when you notice your mind is wondering into the past or present, remind yourself again about where you are and focus on your breathing

* Eat healthy, wholesome, organic foods, drink plenty of clean water, excercise, meditate, take enought rest, and go to bed before 10 PM.

Being in balance may  consist out of different components. I believe that you can be in balance, when your energy (e.g., sleep, eating healthy foods, exercise, meditation) is good, when you are aware of the present, when you are able to focus on how emotions affect your body and how they can leave your body once you accept this.

People can be thrown out of balance, by a lot of external events.

Remember, most things are not permanent. Most feelings and emotions are not permanent. We all exist out of matter, and our matter/energy influences each other. When we are able to be in balance, our positive energy reaches out to others and external events will be positively triggered.

Good luck to your clear path

After i got my Masters, I knew I did not want to work 40 hours per week in an office, working for an employer, while the main thing I would long for was coming home. Or, living from one weekend to the other. So, I went on a fantastic journey with some wonderful life coaches, and found out that I wanted to have my own practice where I can create my own hours, in where I can be a big help for others, and help others in their journey towards finding the work they love.

Life coaching stepped into my life.

In this article I want to share some tips that I use in my life coaching practice Your Clear Path to help people find their dream job.

Think about what your values are. As a life coach, I ask several questions and use several exercises to find out what your values are. One exercise is to make a top five list of your values. Some questions you may ask yourself are: What do you find important in your life? What was an unforgettable moment in your life?During what activity time goes by without thinking about it? Then, have a close look if your values are being honored in your current work. Are they?

Further, as a life coach, I ask you what your life purpose is and to write it down. Maybe you can answer it right away, or otherwise, I will coach you and use several visualization exercises to find the answer to this. I will also ask you the question where you want to be in three and in five years.

Then, make a list of action steps you can take towards your dream job. You can do research, talk with others to gain information, write lists etc.

During these travels towards your dream job, you may bump into internal conflicts. As a life coach, I advise you to take your intuition under the loop. For example, do you really belief in your dream? Do you trust yourself? What does your intuition tell you, and how can you actually recognize your intuition? For example, I feel my intuition in my belly. And I see images running through my mind. When I am following my intuition, my mind is quiet and does not question anything. I am just taking action. I recommend you to meditate, and find out where you feel your intuition, and how you can increase this feeling so it can serve you better. Your intuition will tell you what’s good for you, what steps to take towards your passion in life.

The search for your dream job may be delayed by the so called ‘Gremlin’. Do you recognize the voice in your own head who tells you that you cannot do it? Others are better, and that you are not worth it? A voice that tells you that you absolutely will get fired, because your boss looked a certain way at you etc. It is your mind playing tricks with you. As a life coach, I will advise you to train yourself in ‘just noticing’. Just notice this voice, but do not struggle with it. Talk with it and do not put too much energy in it. The less energy you put into it, the smaller it will get.

Further, as a life coach, I will help you to decipher what is actually true in those triggering thoughts. Keep thinking, ‘If this was true, what then? ‘, ‘And what then?’ You continue doing this, until you end up with a small result.

You can also just look at the facts. ‘Which part of this thought is a fact, and the absolute truth?” You will see that often not much is left of the previous statement.

I advise you to do assignments each week. For example, think about: ‘What is it to feel more complete?’ Assignments may include doing research, asking around, writing a schedule down etc. Take steps towards your goal.

As a life coach, I will encourage you to make lists of action steps and cross them off, have friends and family members keep you accountable, celebrate successes, meditate and start your day with a daily mantra, and last but not least, to hire a life coach (www.yourclearpath.com) if change does not come quick enough.

Be well on your journey to your dream job. It is much closer then you think.

The following 10 tips will help you to deal with your child’s tantrums:

1. Observe and analyze what the cause is of your childs’ tantrums. When and where does it happen the most, and with who. When you observe a pattern, you can create a more consistent approach by using consistent rules and possible consequences.
2. Use a consistent approach. When you start a certain approach, do not discontinue right away if it does not work. Often it takes time for it to work. Use the approach with consistency and use it at least enough times to be sure your child does or does not respond to it.
3. During the tantrum, do not provide your child with attention (e.g., eye contact & physical contact), unless your child uses the tantrum to escape an activity. Every attention is attention, so your child may get motivated to throw more tantrums. If your child uses the tantrum to escape an activity, make sure he stays with the activity and only escapes it calmly. If your child is harming him or her self or others, make sure you block your child from doing so.
4. Spend individual time with your child every day. Do an activity they choose.
5. Create rules. Before each and every challenging activity, provide your child with rules. You can either ask your child to create the rules, or create them yourself. Rules should be clear, brief and manageable. Try to use a limit amount of rules. Too many rules is challenging for a child to comply to, and sets them up for failure.
6. Use consequences. Before every challenging activity, provide your child with consequences. Tell them if they comply to the rules, they receive the positive consequences. If they do not comply, they do not receive the positive consequence.
7. Use a reward system. You can create a tangible reward system, for example by writing down the behaviors you want your child to show, following with the rewards. Your teenager can help you with this.
8. Use clear communication. When you communicate rules and consequences, be clear and brief. Further, communicate with your child about daily life occurrences. Try to be on their emotional and intellectual level, so they feel they can relate to you. The better the bonding and understanding, the more appreciation there is for each other.
9. Be open for your child’s input. Ask your child questions about how certain situations make them feel. Listen to their  input without judgment and ask questions. Take them serious and make them feel important. Encourage them and positively reinforce them.
10. Enjoy. Enjoy the moments with your child and realize that every development is a phase. Nothing is permanent. Laugh, make jokes, be a parent and a friend.